I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
