I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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