I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
