I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
