May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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