my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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