i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
