we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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