Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
