I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
