this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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