the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
