if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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