so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I believe in your delicious
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
