i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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