His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
