doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
