we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
