also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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