You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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