Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
