In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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