So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
