Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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