Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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