Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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