I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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