I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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