i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
