so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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