The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
