I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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