I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
