She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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