I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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