she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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