i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
