It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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