If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
