I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
