ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
pray to the hookup gods
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
