dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
