I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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