I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
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