I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
