I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
