awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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