Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
