I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
