census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
