i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
