i used baking grease as lip gloss
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
you never un-have a 4some
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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