Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
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