did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
