if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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