i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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