So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you didnt know i had herpes?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
