Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
