Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
