just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize