She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i love accidental penises.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
