That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
