Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
