...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
