I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize