im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Are we in a gay sports bar?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
