needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize