Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
