Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
