"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
