Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
