i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Found your dick twin last night
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
