Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
