apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
