i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
