Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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