anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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