Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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