apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
