I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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