these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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