I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
