He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
