So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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