There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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