repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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