I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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