see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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