I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
