i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
