i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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