2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
