guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
