i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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